Fake History of Pyrate Cove Soapworks.
Pyrate Cove Soapworks was founded in 1907 in Adams, TX  by Mortimer Sims a professional musician who in 1906 arrived from Alabamee with a banjo on his knee. Since the locals at the Ft. McKavett Tavern didn't much appreciate his "pickin' & grinnin" he decided to do some market research and  logged onto AOL. Much to his delight he learned that "Pierce don't allow no beard groin' round here" Mortimer had a hunch but passed it off as just bad corn. Shortly thereafter while vacationing in Playa de Carmen his lawyer buddy had a similar hunch. Could this be THE event that marks a turning point in one's life journey? No, unfortunately Mortimer knew nothing about properly smoking ribs. 

What truly struck Mortimer's attention at Playa was the wonderful island fragrances wafting around the beach. This coupled with the naked European women and their unshaven armpits was a lightening bolt, a defining moment in his life and Pirate's Cove Shaving Soap was born. 

Back in Texas,  Mary Gail kicked he and his buddies (Snakeater, Tattoo, and Cookie) clean out of Sutton County. Mortimer spend the next year in isolation refining his product in his test lab in Adams (as shown below). Since electricity didn't arrive in Schleicher county until 1989 and telephone service in 2002, he was forced to heat his concoctions on a wood-burning stove. Slowly mixing and matching the wonderful island oils until the first shaving soap, Bay Rum emerged. 

A little known fact is that much like Henry Ford creating a by-product by inventing charcoal, Mortimer is credited with creating an entirely new breed the  "Hairless Goat". Since he had a precious small population to perform an adequate test market Mortimer was forced to use the only hair available. 

Mortimer spent the next several years plying the local barber shops of west Texas, traveling by horseback to Adams, Eldorado, and the thriving metropolis of Christoval where such fragrances as Bay Rum & Ginger and Lime emerged. The thriving gay population in Menard created the demand for Rose and Lavender soaps. The emerging Polygamer population of Schleicher County preferred Doublemint Soap but, Morty refused to concede to their demands. Likewise he wouldn't give into the requests of the local Cloister, claiming "Nun Fragrances couldn't smell too good." 

For the next 40 years Pyrate Cove grew at a steady rate until that fateful day in 1947 when the Gillette company invented shaving cream in a self-propelled can. Mortimer's son, Mortimer Jr. stubbornly refused to give into this passing fad and continued to manufacture shaving soap in the same time-tested methods his forefathers had done. Times were hard for Pirate's Cove after loosing 99.99% of their customer base. At one point Mortimer Jr's son, Little Tommy even suggested the ill-fated  expansion into the Buggy Whip business.  Soon they were forced to sell their 40 acre Schleicher plant to a kindly unshaven man from Utah who, along with his 20 wives planned to build a hunting compound (according to Sheriff Gill).

Operating again from its humble beginnings Pyrate Cove latched onto a new craze, the Bed & Breakfast. Little Tommy redecorated the homestead, putting in a bathhouse, air-conditioning, central heat and a TV antenna and opened the Adams B&B in 2000. Soon he realized that the paying customers would steal everything in the bathhouse, especially the Weekly World News and Shaving Soap. Shortly thereafter Little Tommy directed his marketing effort to the burgeoning Bed & Breakfast industry selling cases of soap to owners needing to replace their stolen stock. He even went so far as to hire a roving gang of hooligans whose sole purpose was to steal shaving soap and rut the roads (Casey, Eric, Number One and the Adams Militia) 

Change always came slowly to Pyrate Cove but, eventually Little Tommy succumbed to modern times and entered the internet era. He soon became an Ebay mogul with booming sales and riches beyond belief. Little Tommy however, has remained glued to his roots, returning to his humble Adams beginnings every fall to pay homage to his ancestors with  time-honored activities such as coal-walking and drumming in the woods.

Mortimer Sims Sr. Founder 1907
     Adams Barber Shop - Shave 2 Bits 1911
  Early Delivery Dad & Miss Kate with Suds the horse
Little Tommy with Uncle Mr. Sims and Sheriff Gill
        Pyrate Cove Test Laboratory

     Pyrate Cove Soapworks, Schleicher Plant circa 1911
              Pyrate Cove call center 2006